American PieLord of the Rings style!
by Lady LeBeau
Summary: This is a parody of the song "American Pie". Sung by Merry, it's about the day Theoden died. Rated for one cuss word.


This is a song parody I wrote when one of the lines "I was a tweenage Brandybuck" popped into my head one day. It's finally finished! It tells the story of Rohan in TTT and RotK. Merry's singing it. It's a bit mixed up- not exactly chronological. I also had to put in a bit about Faramir, just 'cause I wuv him so much. Let me know what you think!  
  
************** A long, long time ago  
  
I remember how the pipeweed used to make me smile  
  
And I knew if I could tonight  
  
that I could make those tall Ents fight  
  
and maybe they'd be winners for awhile  
  
Fights were always too much for me  
  
with every defeat and victory  
  
Bad news in the Shire  
  
Peace was my one desire  
  
I remember, I knew I'd hide,  
  
When I found out about the Ring aside  
  
I rode in Rohan far and wide  
  
The day the horse-king died.  
  
********** My, my, that Théoden guy  
  
'Cause it surely was too early to be sayin' bye-bye.  
  
The wizard showed up, and kicked out Saruman's spy,  
  
singing "Why'd you do this, Saruman, why?  
  
*********  
  
Did you write the book of red,  
  
and do you believe what the Valar said,  
  
Because the Fair Folk told you so?  
  
And do you believe in old strongholds?  
  
Can Helm's Deep save your fighters bold?  
  
And can Legolas help you with his bow?  
  
And I know that you're in league with him,  
  
'cause the old king's eyes are gettin' dim.  
  
That treasure you'll never win,  
  
So give up on Éowyn!  
  
I was a lonely tweenaged Brandybuck  
  
Wearin' Rohan armor, in a battle stuck  
  
but I knew that I was out of luck  
  
the day the horse-king died.  
  
**********  
  
I started singing, My, my that Théoden guy.  
  
Surely it's too early to be sayin' bye-bye.  
  
The wizard showed up, and kicked out Saruman's spy,  
  
singing "Why'd you do this, Saruman, why?"  
  
***********  
  
For some weeks we were on our own  
  
No moss grows on the Isengard stone  
  
It isn't like it used to be  
  
But Gríma lied in Meduseld,  
  
Meanwhile, in Fangorn, trees were felled,  
  
And so, finally, justice was held.  
  
Wormtongue didn't know what came next,  
  
So the king kicked him down the steps.  
  
Everybody cheered,  
  
Although more danger neared.  
  
They mustered the whole Riddermark  
  
Helm's Deep's wall blown up with a spark,  
  
Uruks defeated in the dark  
  
the day the horse-king died  
  
**********  
  
And we were singing, My, my, this Théoden guy  
  
Surely it's too early to be sayin' bye-bye  
  
The wizard showed up, and kicked out Saruman's spy,  
  
singing "Why'd you do this, Saruman, why?"  
  
**********  
  
Because then they were with Gondor allied,  
  
In just the nick of time, they arrived.  
  
Quickly, the war horns were blown  
  
The Orcs charged 'cross the grass  
  
Rohirrim quickly beat their ass  
  
with the Men of the City in fights of their own.  
  
The orcs across the field were strewn  
  
Riders played a triumphant tune  
  
and we all thought we'd win,  
  
but the fight would again begin.  
  
The Southrons tried to take the field  
  
the riders brave refused to yield  
  
Do you know what broke the Lady's shield  
  
the day the horse-king died?  
  
***********  
  
She was runnin' from his mace,  
  
An ancient nation, in that place  
  
It sure seemed like the very end.  
  
Now, you stop that, Denethor  
  
Faramir'll live some years more,  
  
Though the fire is the Steward's only friend  
  
And Pippin watched him, just a page  
  
His hands were clenched in fists of rage  
  
My friend did what he could  
  
To stop that burning wood.  
  
And as the flames climbed high into the night  
  
Out in the fields, trembling with fright,  
  
Sauron laughing with delight  
  
The day the horse-king died. **********  
  
I met a girl who wore armor,  
  
and she carried me into Gondor,  
  
We both killed the Witchking.  
  
It's too bad that she was too late  
  
We couldn't save the king from his fate  
  
I wonder what had happened to the One Ring.  
  
And in the fields the Nazgúl screamed,  
  
the steward burned and the men were creamed.  
  
But many words were spoken  
  
And many bones were broken.  
  
And the three guys I admire most,  
  
the Elf, the Dwarf, and the Ranger most,  
  
they came up the River from the coast  
  
the day the horse-king died.  
  
***********  
  
And we were singing, My, my, this Théoden guy,  
  
Surely it's too early to be sayin' bye-bye.  
  
The wizard showed up, and kicked out Saruman's spy,  
  
singing "Why'd you do this, Saruman, why?" "Why'd you do this, Saruman, why?" ****************  
  
There, that wasn't too painful, was it? 


End file.
